Coffee Heresy

My mother and her husband are coffee heretics.  While they both drink it, the stuff that they put into their mugs each morning has only a resemblance to real coffee.  As in, it’s brown.

Now, I am not a true coffee snob.  Not really.  I add cream and sugar to my cup.  I use a drip pot.  I even use paper filters.  My coffee grinder isn’t a burr mill, and I don’t roast my own beans.  But for crying out loud…. what is with these people?!?

First of all, my mother buys ground coffee. And then, she stores it in the refrigerator, right next to the cabbage.  She uses tap water that has so much chlorine in it that I can smell bleach on the dishcloth.  Warmish tap water.  She has a PUR filter right on the tap, so this is why I include her water sourcing in the long list of coffee transgressions.

Along with poor selection and improper brewing, these percolator pagans use about a teaspoon of grounds per cup, instead of a tablespoon.  The result is a weak, cardboardy taste.  It’s truly awful.

I knew this coming in, so packed deep in my carryon bag was our coffee grinder and a bag of beans.  It has come in very useful.  I tried explaining to my mom that you don’t even need to buy expensive or fancy beans; Eight O’Clock Coffee (basic store brand) in whole-bean is far, far, far superior to even my happy Dunkin Donuts in a pre-ground bag.  She says that she hand-ground coffee for my dad every single morning for years, and she didn’t even drink the stuff then, so she’s just not interested in grinding it herself anymore.  Whatever.  My step-dad was excited about the fresh-ground stuff, but when he got up before me this morning and made a pot of coffee, he used the stale nasty stuff in the refrigerator.  Eww.

I often think about what is wrong with our society today, and it all seems to come down to an acceptance of cheap, bad coffee.

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2 thoughts on “Coffee Heresy

  1. OMG I so relate to this. My parents make dishwater coffee. And I don’t know how they manage it because my dad roasts his own green beans and grinds the coffe with an antique grinder. This should be good. This should be REALLY good. But then, dishwater.

    Clearly he follows the 1 teaspoon rule. I have to admit, I am a coffee snob. I drink it black and Espresso only, and the Lion and I roast our own green espresso beans, and grind them Just In Time. BUT I am happy to drink other people’s coffee as long as it really is coffee!

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