Food Pr*n

I love porn food porn. I love yarn porn, too. I also love how yarnies and foodies call it pr*n instead of p*rn. Somehow, that little nonchalant center-switcharoo is so cute.

(Those pansies.)

Lovely Sarah Bean has tagged me with a meme, some “Food Porn” thingie or other. Since I have nothing better to do than shuffle through papers that belonged to my parents, I’ll oblige.

Let’s see. Here is food porn question number one:

1. What food do you consider the best “date” food? In other words, what meal or food item do you think is sexiest to eat in the company of someone you would like to look sexy around?

I think the best answer to this question is not what’s best, but what one should avoid. Par exemple, one should avoid things like cooked spinach, which will invariably lodge themselves in one’s frontmost teeth and give one a grotesque smile akin to something from a Milla Jovovich movie**. Similarly, one should also avoid overly messy things, like buffalo wings or barbecued spareribs, unless the object of the meal is simply to create an excuse to get one’s clothing so dirty that one has no alternative but to remove said clothing. However, a simple glass of water perched precariously at the edge of a table can accomplish this handily, too, with considerably less permanent damage to one’s wardrobe.

** I obviously like this metaphor. I’ve used it twice already in a week, and that’s just on this blog.

2. What well-known person would you like to share a meal with—with or without clothing. (saying whether or not clothes are involved is optional).

Milla Jovovich. Unless, of course, she has recently eaten cooked spinach, in which case I might just be too grossed out to enjoy my dinner.

Actually, I am not particularly interested in Milla Jovovich at all, but I do like her films and think she’s a particularly attractive woman. It’s her name that gets me. I love the way all those consonants rub together.

I think I would like to have a meal with my husband. We never get to do that anymore. We have kids, so we eat in shifts. One eats while the other referrees or cajoles or otherwise occupies the offspring. The eater crams in sustenance as quickly as possible so they can switch off with the other. It would be nice to have an actual meal, with actual silverware, with actual chewing involved, with my beloved.

3. What does your perfect breakfast-in-bed look like? (Food AND the details, please. Candles? Music? Flowers? Hot tub? Dancing girls?

Sorry to be a lump in the gravy, but I think breakfast (or any food) in bed is icky.

4. What do you consider the best application of whipped cream to be?

I never whip my cream. It goes into coffee, unwhipped, and with a spoonful of sugar.

5. Oh-God-No, Biff, the yacht is sinking! You are sent to the galley to retrieve the food. What luxury food items do you snatch first? The champagne? The caviar? Smoked Salmon? Truffles? Chocolate? Or something else?

Okay, if the yacht is sinking, and Biff thinks I’m heading down to the galley to retrieve anything, he’s sadly, sadly mistaken. Biff can do his own damn food fetching. I’ll be fetching the life raft and a couple of flares. And I’m not waiting for Biff, if he’s stupid enough to go fetch caviar or whatnot when the boat is sinking.

Anyone else wants to take up the meme, please feel free. Meanwhile, it’s time for some REAL food porn.






2 thoughts on “Food Pr*n

  1. oh my that second picture is just all wrong, although that could just be me.

    i hear you on the dinner time shiftwork. fun.

    back to your paper shuffling miss – I’m not looking forward to that job at all, I hope you’re nearly there. xx

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