Snarkotations

Okay, I’ll admit it– I have a MySpace page. At first, I got an account just so I could read my brother’s blog. Then I got added to someone’s friend list. Then I added someone to mine. Finally, this past weekend, I went to a wedding where I saw a whole slew of old comrades. Of course, they all have MySpace pages. Of course, I added them as friends. Of course, they all added me. I now have a whopping six friends. But that’s a lot of people to manage.  I would never know if one of them was online, or if there was some vital message that is ultra-time-sensitive and must be read immediately, unless I log on and check regularly. And so, like a pusher hooks his customers, Tom has sucked me into the whirling vortex of a MySpace Addiction.

It is hellish, this obsessive compulsion to constantly check one’s profile page for new comments. I have signed on no fewer than seventeen times today, looking to see who might have sent me a message or an IM. Worse, each time that I reload my profile I see something that needs tweaked, changed, filled in or edited– just in case someone is reading it. I am SO back in junior high school.

IS THIS MY FREAKING MID-LIFE CRISIS?? Gawd, I hope not.

Anyway, one of the things I wanted was a clever, sassy quotation to head up my profile page with. I actually Googled “Snarky Quotations”, and found so many that I could probaby change my page hourly and not run out for a very long, long time. (Don’t tempt me. I just might.) So I want to dump a list of marvelously snippy zingers here, for future reference on my part and for your obvious reading enjoyment.

  • I’m very responsible. Whenever something goes wrong they always say I’m responsible.
  • Why do people point to their wrists when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • “I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” – E.V. Lucas
  • “Just say no” prevents teenage pregnancy the way ‘Have a nice day’ cures chronic depression.
  • Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble, then you chip away everything that doesn’t look like an elephant.
  • A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
  • A self-addressed envelope would be addressed ‘envelope’.
  • A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.
  • A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
  • Anarchy is better than no government at all.
  • Celibacy is not hereditary.
  • How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
  • I know it sounds like I’m in denial, but I’m not.
  • If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
  • If there was any logic in this world, it would be men who ride side-saddle, not women.
  • If Tiger lost his woods, would that be an example of irony?
  • It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
  • People will believe anything if you whisper it.
  • Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
  • Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a seat has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.
  • The food that you get in art museums is institutional revenge for the art that you get in restaurants.
  • The Moral Majority is neither.
  • The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
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3 thoughts on “Snarkotations

  1. you can set up e-mail alerts so that you’re not checking myspace constantly, it will e-mail you when you get new comments or when someone updates their blog…

  2. Of course you can. I’ve already done that. But how do you know the email alert is functioning properly if you’re not second-guessing it and checking your page yourself?!?!?! Hmmmm???

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