Ugh. I am such a terrible mom some days. Like yesterday, for instance.
Yesterday was one of those please, just leave me alone for a bit days. Part of me wanted to push my kids out the back door and hope they remembered to stay in the yard. They’re a little young for unsupervised outdoor play, however, so it was a good thing Daddy was home and could take them outside. I was just itching for some time to myself, without kids for just a while.
Most days, I love my children. Their cuteness just melts my heart and makes me want to squeeze them close. I love watching them learn, grow, and do. I love it when they “help” me in the kitchen and around the house. I love playing games with them. I love nursing them and snuggling next to them at night. I love taking them places and seeing other people gawk at how adorable they are. Most days, most of the time, I love being Mama.
The problem is, a person sometimes needs an opportunity to turn inwards, to focus on herself for a bit instead of being totally absorbed with the others in her life. But a mother rarely gets a chance to “shut off”. We are always Mother, day and night. Forever on-call. There is very little Me time, especially for a stay-at-home (dare I call it “full-time”?) mom.
Don’t misunderstand; I cherish being home with my children. There are many other mothers I know who do work outside the home, and find it fulfilling, and I think that it’s great that they’re doing what works for them and their family. For me, what works is being home with my kids during these young and tender years.
I just sometimes wish these young and tender years were peppered with a few more hours of time for myself.
(Mother’s curse: of course, now I get to also feel guilty for feeling this way.)